In my previous post entitled Marriage Therapy: The Four Horsemen I introduced you to the work of marriage therapist couple John and Julie Gottman regarding the four communication patterns that are strongly correlated with divorce. These four horsemen are Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling. Thankfully the Gottmans have also identified the antidotes to the four … Continue reading Marriage Therapist: the Four Horsemen antidotes
Author: Mark Vander Ley
Marriage Therapy: The Four Horsemen
Marriage therapy is focused on helping couples heal the hurts that have accrued over the years in a relationship. It is common for couples to enter marriage therapy deeply hurt, angry, and frustrated. It is also common for couples to have a hard time articulating exactly what it is that brought them to such a … Continue reading Marriage Therapy: The Four Horsemen
How can I help my stressed child
I am often asked, How can I help my stressed child? We live in a culture full of stress. There is pressure to be involved, pressure to be the best, and pressure to fit in. Some claim that the current generation is exposed to more stress than any previous generation. Psychologists define stress as “the … Continue reading How can I help my stressed child
How to build your child’s self-esteem?
Self-esteem is a concept that is regularly discussed in our culture. Many parents fill their child’s life with activities, play dates, and positive affirmations in the hopes of creating greater confidence. In many cases however, it does not seem to work. The harder we work to build our kids up the lower their self-regard. This … Continue reading How to build your child’s self-esteem?
How Porn Addiction Hurts
I was watching my son’s baseball game the other day and happened to overhear an exchange between two parents and their two sons that compelled me to write this post. The two boys were joking and laughing with one another through out the game. One of the boys joked with his mother sitting near by … Continue reading How Porn Addiction Hurts
Service through Presence
I graduated with my PhD in Counselor Education and Supervision on May 12, 2018. I was privileged to be the commencement speaker for Adams State University's graduate school ceremony. Below is the text of my Address: Great Accomplishment Graduates!! Is this a great day or what?!! If you are like me, there were moments in … Continue reading Service through Presence
Dialectical Behavior Therapy
Dialectical Behavior Therapy is an evidence-based form of counseling that was developed for the treatment of borderline personality disorder (BPD). Marsha Linehan developed the model by combining the commonly used concepts of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) with mindfulness and meditation practices. Research has demonstrated that dialectical behavior therapy is an effective treatment for BPD and … Continue reading Dialectical Behavior Therapy
Forgiveness in Marriage
Sometimes in marriage counseling we encounter couples that overcome their demon dialogues, create a new dance of intimacy, and rewrite the story of their marriage. Yet, just when it appears they will move to a deeper level of connection one partner brings up a seminal incident that they just can’t seem to “let go”. Susan … Continue reading Forgiveness in Marriage
Marriage Conversations for Connection
My last post regarding couples counseling discussed the three demon dialogues described by Susan Johnson in her book Created for Connection. The three patterns of conflict most common in couples counseling are called find the bad guy, the protest polka, and freeze and flee. Each dialogue is a unique pattern of couple interaction driven by … Continue reading Marriage Conversations for Connection
Marriage Counseling, The Demon Dialogues
We provide Marriage counseling in Quincy, IL by leading couples through the process of recognizing and reshaping their relational dance. In a previous post (linked here) I discussed this process as presented by Susan Johnson the developer of Emotion Focused Couples Therapy. Susan describes emotion as the music that drives the interaction (dance steps) of the … Continue reading Marriage Counseling, The Demon Dialogues